They probably thought the name change would be a slam dunk, but it was not, just like this joke.

Dunkin' Donuts, the breakfast foods chain that blankets New England and is slowly spreading to the rest of the United States, is reportedly considering shortening its name to merely Dunkin'.

I, for one, would like to register my opposition to this move. There are a few reasons for this position, so let's run through them.

First, no one in the world refers to Dunkin' Donuts as "Dunkin'." Shortening the name might make sense if Dunkin' was already a widely accepted nickname, but I have spent a significant amount of time in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, where Dunkin' Donuts spawn from, and I can assure you this is not the case. It's Dunkin' Donuts. Nothing else.

Second, chaos will rule the day. How exactly are we supposed to know what we should be dunkin' here? Donuts? Bagels? Corndogs? Celery? I NEED ANSWERS.

Third, rebrands only work if people don't know the name of your product and the new name will have greater brand recognition. Everybody knows Dunkin' Donuts. I don't have the numbers in front of me, but Dunkin' Donuts is probably the second-largest coffee shop chain in the United States after Starbuck's. Changing the name isn't going to make people more aware of Dunkin'.

Fourth, no one cares that Dunkin' Donuts also serves things that are not strictly donuts. It's really okay. Burger King serves chicken sandwiches, A&W serves drinks besides root beer, Five Guys sometimes employs a number of guys other than five. Your name doesn't have to be literal. Really. I promise.

Fifth, and finally, we would never here grumpy Bostonians growl "Sorry I'm late I had to stop at Dunkin' Donuts" ever again, and that would be a real tragedy.

It sounds like the folks at the Dunkin' Donuts marketing department have too much time on their hands, really.