Could this be the new stadium for Albany’s soccer team?

Wondering what the new year will bring? Here’s a month-by-month breakdown of what we can expect.

January: Gov. Kathy Hochul reveals that her budget includes $300 million for Albany’s proposed professional soccer team. Alas, the money isn’t for the city’s downtown parking lot district. Instead, it will help finish the $2.1 billion stadium being built near Buffalo, a state-supported project marred by massive cost overruns .

“Albany’s soccer team will share a home with the Bills!” Hochul declares. “Isn’t that exciting? Yes, it’s a long trip for Capital Region fans, but we’re confident they’ll support the new team!”

February: Club officials announce that the new Albany soccer team will be called the Buffalo Wings.

March: City leaders and bewildered geologists gather to reveal that Albany’s Central Warehouse refuses to be torn down. “No matter how hard we hit the thing, nothing happens,” says City Engineer Frank Enstein. “It’s broken all the construction equipment we’ve tried to use.”

April: Albany County Executive Dan McCoy, humbled by the reaction to his attempted coup at the Albany airport, says he’s leaving his hometown to become assistant director of the Moose County Regional Runway in Mackawanna, Maine.

“I now understand that if I want to become the CEO of the Albany airport, I’ve got to start at the bottom and work my way up,” McCoy says. “This new job is the first step toward fulfilling my dream.”

May: The people running to be Albany’s next mayor are stunned by the intense public interest in the race ahead of the June Democratic primary. For example, a debate between the 11 declared candidates draws a crowd of 15,000 jubilant spectators to Washington Park, and one candidate, Harry Foote, is mobbed by autograph seekers as he attempts to buy locally grown Brussels sprouts at the Honest Weight Food Coop.

“I’ve never seen anything like it,” declares Albany historian Jack Pott. “For once, people seem to care about the mayor’s race.”

June: Albany Mayor Kathy Sheehan announces that downtown Albany will permanently close due to lack of interest.

“With only a handful of people milling around down there most days, there’s little point in paying for lights and whatnot,” Sheehan says. “It’s time to give up the ghost.”

Sheehan also announces that anyone caught entering the downtown will be ticketed by one of the district’s new facial recognition cameras, projected to raise $370 for the city and $83 million for the Ohio company that installed the system.

July: State officials pretend to be alarmed by a study finding that New York’s population will drop by 70 percent within a decade. To stem the outflow, Gov. Kathy Hochul says she’s adding $10 to each of the “inflation rebate checks” the state is mailing.

“Everybody’s talking about the price of eggs,” the governor says while pretending to shop at a supermarket in Watervliet. “Well, with these 10 bucks, everyone can buy one additional carton.”

August: Albany Mayor Kathy Sheehan announces that the statue of Revolutionary War hero Philip Schuyler, knocked from its City Hall perch in 2023, will be replaced by one depicting Seth Wheeler, the Albanian credited with inventing toilet paper.

“And since nobody knows for sure what Wheeler looked like,” Sheehan says, “we’re just going to put the statue of Schuyler back up and say it’s Wheeler. It’s a fiscally prudent way to honor one of the city’s greatest residents.”

Future generations wonder why the swashbuckling inventor wore a cape and a general’s hat.

September: A traveling exhibition of dinosaur eggs draws record crowds to the New York State Museum, even though a long-planned renovation of its dowdy interior has yet to begin. “Where can someone find some grub in this place?” asks a visitor from Yonkers, before a janitor points him toward the museum’s fine collection of vending machines.

October: Albany Mayor Kathy Sheehan announces that the city’s iconic but struggling Lark Street will be renamed Turkey Vulture Way.

“The word lark means an amusing and fun adventure and, let’s be honest, nobody’s having much fun on Lark Street lately,” Sheehan says. “A turkey vulture is a more honest symbol of the state of the street.”

November: Albany voters elect Howie Hoogkamp, loosely related to former mayor Herman Hoogkamp, to be the first Republican in charge of the city in over 100 years.

“I don’t care what party the man is in,” says one Albany resident. “I just love saying Hoogkamp.”

December: A few days after Christmas, Mayor-elect Hoogkamp declares that Albany’s birthday party was totally lame and says the city will celebrate the 400th anniversary of its founding with parades, festivals and dance marathons throughout 2026.

“Yes, the party will be two years late, but a late celebration is better than no celebration,” Hoogkamp says. “Also, Happy New Year!”

Churchill is one of the most well-known names, and faces, at the Times Union. His columns — published on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays — are shared heavily on social media and have won several awards. Churchill studied English and history at the University of Texas before beginning his journalism career at small weeklies in Maine, later working at the Biddeford Journal Tribune, Waterville Morning Sentinel and Kennebec Journal newspapers. He started at the Times Union as a business writer in 2007 and became a columnist in 2012. Reach him at or 518-454-5442 .