The classroom on this particular Friday night was quiet, the only exception being my quavering voice as I divulged my darkest secrets. I opened up about the downward spiral that had become my life: dropping out of college, getting fired from multiple jobs, and committing increasingly destructive acts that would lead to my incarceration.

It was the first time that I’d shared my entire story, and I couldn’t get through it without shedding a few tears. I felt vulnerable and exposed, yet relieved that I was finally able to let my truth out.

This is what restorative justice looks like at MCI-Shirley, a medium security prison for men in central Massachusetts, where I’ve spent the past 12 years. Every week, a group of us sit in a circle, telling our stories and learning about our feelings. The goal is to better understand ourselves and one another. We are committed to becoming better people by contributing to our community, both here at Shirley and when we return home.

For me, restorative justice has been transformative, providing me with the tools to break down the walls of insecurity and shame that I’d built up most of my life. I can’t help but wonder what my life might have been like if I’d had access to these tools earlier. Maybe, if I’d learned how to better express my feelings and emotions as a kid, the trail of destruction that caused so much pain to my family, friends, and community could’ve been avoided.

In high school, I struggled with self-confidence. Like so many teens, I was consumed by people’s perceptions of me. I learned to hide my insecurities behind false bravado. I pretended everything was OK and coped with my struggles by abusing drugs and alcohol, acting out in increasingly damaging ways. I stole, I damaged property, and, as I got older, I began to light fires.

Today, I know that there’s a name for what I needed as a student: social-emotional learning. SEL provides students with the tools to manage their feelings and emotions. Done well, these programs help students establish positive relationships, develop empathy, and make responsible decisions. Students who are anxious or upset, as I so often was, learn to pause and recognize what’s causing their feelings, as opposed to acting out or becoming disruptive.

A growing body of research points to clear benefits for students who have access to SEL. A recent meta-analysis of studies spanning more than a decade found consistent, positive effects on student outcomes, including increased social and emotional skills, higher academic achievements, and fewer problems with behavior. A 2015 study at Columbia University makes the economic case for SEL, concluding that the benefits of these programs far outweigh the costs. One major source of cost savings: students who partake in SEL programs are less likely to commit crimes.

Unfortunately, these programs are also controversial. Some parents have argued that SEL takes away from academics, that it’s softening their children, or that it’s teaching values they disapprove of . SEL has also been lumped in with other acronyms that have become increasingly divisive in the current political climate, such as CRT and DEI. The Department of Education recently threatened school districts that “veil racially discriminatory policies with terms like ‘social-emotional learning’” with investigations and the loss of funding.

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That’s a shame because the sorts of restorative justice programs that have been life-changing for me could assist countless students who struggle with their emotions and behavior as I did.

Sitting in a circle, learning about accountability and empathy, creating a safe space to share feelings and personal stories — these valuable restorative lessons can help kids better understand themselves and their relationships with others. It can feel like such a lonely world for those who struggle with anxiety, depression, or anger. But hearing the stories of peers who feel the same way allows students to build connections, learn to respect one another, and even resolve conflicts responsibly.

As I think about the men who fill the classroom every Friday for our restorative justice circles, I can’t help but consider what might’ve been. How many of them could’ve avoided prison if they’d been exposed to programs like this growing up? How many lives could’ve been saved, relationships left unbroken, communities unharmed?

I can’t turn back the clock to undo the crimes that I’ve committed, save the lives that I’m responsible for, or take away the immense pain that I’ve caused to my community.

I can, however, use the skills that I’ve acquired through restorative justice to be a better man who will help others as opposed to hurting them. That includes championing the cause of making social-emotional learning and restorative practices part of every school curriculum. We have to start getting ahead of crime before it happens. I believe it’s possible.