New year new you? January is a time for self improvement… apparently these January crime committers didn’t get the memo.
Naked Putts. Here’s a pro-tip: don’t try naked shenanigans on a golf course in the middle of a Colorado winter. One Jefferson County man learned this the hard way for this January crime. Jefferson County Sheriff’s deputies responded to the Evergreen Golf Course after a naked man was discovered on the 8th hole. He was discovered writhing on the ground and screaming that he had lost his clothes. The naked putter claims that he was with a woman (who had stolen his clothes) but when police called the woman’s number, the naked man’s father answered the phone. Police found the man’s clothes nearby and transported him to the hospital to have his frostbit treated.
Oops, Wrong House. On January 15, Arvada Police were called to the 4700 block of Everett Court to respond to a reported burglary. When police arrived, they found and identified the male suspect who they described as “extremely intoxicated.” It turns out that the drunk wanderer lives two houses down and had mistakenly entered the wrong house. If we’ve said it once, we’ve said it a million times: if you go out drinking, make sure you go home to your house.
Salad Poke. Anyone who has braved the salad bar at the Country Buffet knows it can be a violent place. On January 11th, an argument escalated into a full brawl at the Country Buffet on E. 36th Ave. Except instead of fisticuffs, a man was poked in the eye. Things escalated from there and the two men came to blows, ultimately spilling into the salad bar line and breaking the [GASP] sneeze guard.
Negligent Discharge. Officers were called to a home in Castle Rock after neighbors reported gunshots. When police pressed the homeowner, he told them that he was removing his pistol from his safe. But, unbeknownst to him, his brother had left it loaded. He accidentally hit the trigger and the handgun fired. The shot sent a bullet through his mattress and got lodged into the box spring. Police issued a warning to the man. This is why every gun safety class will teach you that the number one rule for safe gun handling is to assume that every gun is loaded.
Wooden Horse. Everyone knows that animals have rights. But according to one seemingly-psychotic woman in Morrison, wooden horse statues have rights too. Sheriff’s deputies were called to the Arrowhead Manor Bed & Breakfast on January 13. A woman, pretending to be a past guest, was let into the B&B to look for personal items she claimed to have left in a room. When the manager realized she wasn’t actually a guest, the woman began to berate him over how inhuman it was to leave a wooden horse statue out in the cold. Apparently, keeping statues outside amounts to “animal cruelty.” The woman was promptly asked to leave. When police arrived, the owner discovered that she had broken his windows, unplugged his lights and security cameras, and stole an engraved rock.
