Tired of taking crap from people, Ocean City Police arrested 23-year-old Kyle Smith, of Port Royal, Pennsylvania, for defecating in the street and then throwing his excrement at people passing by.

Labor Day is fast approaching and the Ocean City Police Department's crime blotter is getting crazier by the day. I thought that the rash of tourists exposing themselves and masturbating in hotel hallways was crazy. But this story absolutely takes the cake. The night of Thursday, August 10, was, by all accounts, a pretty typical Ocean City evening. A few disorderly conduct citations, but nothing out of the ordinary for Ocean City in the summer time. My mama always told me that nothing good happens after 1 a.m. and that really seems to be the case in Ocean City. Around 1:55 a.m. early that Friday morning, Ocean City Police Department officers were on a routine patrol when they noticed Kyle Smith standing on the street corner wearing nothing but his boxers. Recognizing this as out of the ordinary, police trailed Smith and, sure enough, watched as he dropped his drawers on Baltimore Avenue, exposing his genitalia to passersby. At this point, officers took the young man into custody on charges of indecent exposure. While Smith was cuffed and awaiting transport, multiple witnesses approached the officers and thanked them for taking this public menace off the street. Why? Well, the witnesses allege that prior to police arriving on the scene, the accused was openly defecating in the street. Not only that, but he was allegedly picking his excrement off the pavement and tossing it at innocent bystanders. The witnesses testified that the public pooping took place in the middle of the intersection of 5th Street and Baltimore Avenue. Not only that, but witnesses saw the young man urinating on cars. That's when these officers really earned their paychecks. They went to the scene of the crime and found the puddles of... bodily fluids... and even discovered a fresh puddle of urine right next to a parked car. It's unclear whether the excrement was bagged and tagged as evidence, but the witnesses' accounts were enough for police to tack on an additional charge of disorderly conduct. Think about that, though. The man was throwing fecal matter around and the best police could do in this random situation was cite him for disorderly conduct. Calling defecating in public "disorderly" is an understatement... I'm really not sure what's going on in Ocean City. I visited almost every other weekend as a child and young adult during the summertime and I can't for the life of me remember this many indecent exposure charges. This is certainly the first case I remember of a man throwing excrement missiles. Maybe this was happening without me realizing it, but the crimes committed every weekend seem to be getting crazier and crazier. Here's a little public service announcement. These are some societal guidelines that really should go without saying:

1. Don't get naked in public.
2. Avoid urinating, defecating, or masturbating in public, especially if people are around.
3. Don't pick up your own excrement and start throwing it at people around you.

I can't even believe that I had to type that out, but at this point, it is clear that there is a significant portion of tourists who just don't understand these common sense expectations we have in civilized society. If tourists followed those three simple rules, we would cut down a lot of crimes. I'm thinking at least 10 percent. Take this second story from early August. Late one night, police were able to apprehend a suspect who had fled an Ocean City officer earlier in the day. An officer on patrol recognized 49-year-old Ahmad Hady as the man that had eluded officers and gotten away. At face value, this is just another case where police approached and re-apprehended a suspect. Except, when the officer approached Hady in the street, he responded by pulling his shorts down and manipulating his penis in front of the officer. I am not sure why so many tourists feel the urge to just drop trousers, especially in the midst of a police interaction. It is absolutely mind-boggling. But one thing is certain: Ocean City is in the middle of an indecent exposure pandemic. At this point, call in FEMA and the National Guard. Honestly, we need to go to DEFCON 1 and stamp this nonsense out using whatever it takes. Because at this point, I'm out of other ideas for how to stop people from just crapping in public and then tossing it around the street like a caged monkey. What do you think Ocean City needs to do to stop this nonsense? Let us know in the comments below!

More Ocean City tourists were arrested for getting naked in public. Read more.