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Ever felt the tingle of an ice cube running over your skin? Suddenly, you’re hyper aware of how your body feels—and you might even realize that you like this feeling a lot . Congratulations, you’ve (perhaps accidentally) experienced your first foray into sensation play. Experimenting with how you respond to different types of touch—from the caress of a flower petal to the forceful smack of a paddle—can not only turn things up a notch for your partnered (or solo) spicy sessions, but can also help bring a sense of calm and relaxation to the body and mind, say experts.

If you haven’t heard the term, sensation play is “any sexual expression that involves focusing on sensations of different body parts,” says Holly Richmond , PhD, LMFT, a somatic psychologist, certified sex therapist, associate director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes and author of . That might look like having warm oil rubbed on your body during a sensual massage or getting flogged with a leather whip. It can also look like restricting one sense, like sight or sound, to enhance the physical sensations in your body.

The range of sensations runs the gamut, says Richmond, as do the types of play within this category. While the harsher forms of sensation play are most often associated with BDSM , all types of sensation play—even the lightest flick of a feather—fall under the realm of power and control in the BDSM world. That said, this dynamic tends to become a more prominent part of play during intense sensory activities, such as choking. Letting your partner place a hand around your throat to choke you will require you to submit to their will, while they exert levels of domination by controlling the amount of pressure.

BTW: Sensation play is more about the journey than the destination. Consider it a way to connect with your physicality, and perhaps also your sexual partner, rather than a means to an orgasm.

The Benefits of Sensation Play

If you’re someone who feels a bit...scattered during sex or just quiet time with your lover, sensation play may be the antidote. Having difficulty being fully present in intimate moments can even turn into spectorating , or a less-than-pleasurable experience where a person steps outside of their body during sex and observes as if they were a third party, which can cause unneeded stress and self-judgement in the sack. But focusing on how it feels to have your partner gently drip massage wax over your thighs or caress your forearm with their fingertips, is a sort of meditation that can decrease anxiety. “You’re getting out of your head and into your body, and not making any judgments, not telling any stories, not comparing, not criticizing—just seeing what the sensation feels like,” says Richmond.

For this reason, sensation play can be extremely effective for survivors of sexual assault or trauma, who may have a hard time staying present in their body, says Gloria Brame , PhD, a clinical sexologist, sex therapist, and author of . “Most people who have undergone sexual trauma—the hardest thing for them is being able to relax,” she says, adding that she’s worked with many trauma survivors who have developed vaginismus , or a condition where your vagina clamps up when penetrated. Using lighter sensations like temperature play , sensual massage , or even just playing music or adjusting the lighting in a room, can help those who usually have a hard time getting out of their head feel more at home in their body.

Even if you’re in a long-term relationship with a solid sex life, sensation play can still “bring in a new layer of intimacy” because you’re trying a novel experience together, says Brame. It can also increase pure pleasure, while taking the emphasis off achieving orgasm (although the right touch could definitely lead there!).

And who knows? Experimenting with different sensations might help you discover a whole new world of turn-ons, says Brame, which can be especially helpful for older women who may be disconnected from their sexuality. “I’m an older woman and, often, many older women have never even masturbated. They waited until they had sex with their partner before they started having sex. And if their husband is not experimental with them, they may never really find out what truly gets them off,” she adds. So, why not see how a bit of nipple play , from a light bite to a full-on clamp , feels? You’ll never know if you don’t try.

How To Incorporate Sensation Play Into Your Sex Life

Feel yourself first.

If you’re curious about a certain type of play, give it a whirl solo. Maybe you put a sleep mask over your eyes before dragging a small towel across your body with various types of pressure and speed. You can also bring in what Molly Adler, LCSW, an AASECT-certified sex therapist with Sex Therapy New Mexico calls “pervertables,” a.k.a. regular household objects that can be used during sex. While you may never look at your spatula the same, it can be an effective paddle for some impact play , especially if you’re not looking to invest a pretty penny in high-end sex toys. Trying a few different sensation play activities alone can help you figure out your likes and dislikes, says Richmond, so you can then feel more confident sharing those preferences with a partner.

Introduce the idea to your sexual partner.

Whether you and boo have been connected for 30 years or 30 minutes, communication is key, says Richmond—always, but especially when trying something new in the bedroom. Remember to ease slowly into the conversation (as well as the chains and whips). Wanna proposition a long-term partner? Try mentioning a scene you saw in a movie—whether that be one from the theaters or porn—or read in a book, she suggests, and invite your partner into the sexual fantasy . “What you don’t want to say is, ‘Our sex life is boring. Do you want to try sensation play?’” says Richmond, as that will likely be insulting and cause your partner to shut down, rather than open up to new experiences.

Brame also suggests trying a lighter, more conversational approach, such as: “I recently figured out that I would love to be touched in this spot, and here’s the kind of sensation I’d like. Would you be interested?” That way, you can get straight to the point without a wandering, potentially awkward dialogue.

If you want to engage in this type of play with a newer sexual partner, be sure it's someone you trust and have had an open dialogue with. Perhaps it is a person you met on a kink-specific app who is already well-versed in sensation play, says Brame, and if so, great! If not, it's best to wait until you feel more secure in your physical relationship.

Experiment with light sensation.

If you haven’t so much as gotten a sensual massage from bae, don’t dive headfirst into sensation play by being bound and flogged. “You can always go harder… well, you could go lighter, but the damage is already done,” says Brame. “You don’t want to traumatize yourself.” Some beginner-friendly ideas: Try temperature play by rubbing an ice cube or warm oil over your and/or your partner's body, she suggests. Other more subtle entry points into sensation play might be having your partner run a silk scarf over your inner thighs, or even teasing you by dragging their tongue across your body.

Keep communicating.

Continue the conversation throughout sensation play, says Adler. If you’re enjoying yourself, let your partner know. And certainly, if something doesn't feel good, speak up. It may be best to develop a safe word , or a quick type of communication to shut down all activity in case the sensations become uncomfortable in a not fun way, Adler says. First-timers can also lower the stakes by keeping on their underwear or agreeing to avoid areas below the waist or any genital erogenous zones, she adds.

Make time for aftercare.

Talking about what you’re going to do after your adventurous rendezvous in the sack is often just as—if not more—important than any pre-planning. Are you someone who likes to snuggle after a vulnerable sensual experience? Maybe you need words of affirmation , or even a little snack and some alone time. Whatever you need for aftercare , make that clear to your partner ahead of time, and be sure to cater to their needs as well, says Richmond.

Toys to Try

This is a great toy for those looking to dabble in sensation play, as it can lead to many different feelings in the body, says Brame. You can use it gently for a sort of tickling sensation, and eventually work your way up to a more vigorous whipping.

If you’ve found fun in manual spanking, take things up a notch with a paddle. But before you start smacking, make sure you have the technique down so no one gets hurt. “There are actually correct and incorrect ways to spank your partner,” says Brame, who discusses this and more in her book . You can also watch instruction videos on YouTube, like this guide from Lovehoney, a sexual wellness brand.

If the idea of running a sharp object along your sensitive areas is appealing, you’ll want to give this stainless steel pinwheel a try, says Richmond. The little spikes are perfect for adding some light—and maybe not so light—prickly sensation to your body.