Ode to the Craigslist Keyboard Warrior

Craigslist is quite the tool. You can use it to find a job, find an apartment, buy a piece of furniture, sell your antique Schlitz beer sign, or if you're the nefarious type, lure your next victim – okay, that's a joke, people, and a poor one at that. So let us make it up to you by introducing you to these Nobel prize-worthy pieces of Craigslist's 'Best Of' that may be the best things you read all year: 

The first one we stumbled across was an ad for a 2004 Maserati Coupe – a car known for its high-maintenance costs – titled "Beautiful Italian Paperweight," and we were hooked. Now, some of these are tad bit lengthy, so let us just include a link and a line or two, then you can decide you want to read the rest. 

Some of you may recognize this as a 2004 Maserati Coupe' (also known as the 4200 GT). Don't let that gorgeous Italian body fool you though, this car is Satan's chariot to Hell (or bankruptcy).

The voodoo priests at the Maserati dealer insist it's fixed. But it's not. And I've seen their facility. There's no tools, just an altar to Alejandro DeTomaso where they place the still beating hearts and smoking wallets of Maserati owners and ask for a vision of what the @#$$ is wrong with their clients' cars.

We're dead. Read the rest here

This next one is delightfully simple:

Here's another beautifully written novella titled "2012 Kia Sorento EX with the soul of a Ferrari and built by craftsmen". Again, let us include a few lines, then you can sit back with a glass of wine and take in this high-brow masterpiece. 

Why wouldn't you want to replicate the feeling of riding on a majestic dual-horned unicorn?

and 

As powerful the engine is, it sips fuel like a sommelier sips wine. It's rated at 16-31 mpg depending on the altitude, weather and road rage conditions, and I've been able to maintain a healthy 22 mpg average. Since I'm Middle Eastern, I've only used the finest motor oil from my uncle's private family reserves in Dubai. Not even Lamborghini has access to this type of lube.

Absolute CL gold. Read the rest

Any car guy knows this one is so true. She's definitely a keeper: 

Last but not least, the $3,333 "Bernie 2016" bumper sticker that just happens to come with a free 2005 Ford Explorer. Politics set aside, this clever, light-hearted classified gets our vote! 

Thank you for your time and may God have mercy on all of our souls.


That's all we've got, folks! Hope you've enjoyed these as much as we have! If you happen to see one or if we forgot one, let us know or post a link in the comments below! 

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