Stop doing this to yourselves.
Starbucks released the Pumpkin Spice Latte back in August. Now, September is traditionally thought of as a "fall" month, even though two-thirds of the month is in summer. And pumpkin is generally thought of as a fun fall flavor -- it's just cinnamon, cloves, and real pumpkin, which is gross to eat because of how slimy it is, just FYI.
What I am trying to say here is anyone drinking a Pumpkin Spice Latte is nuts and should be regarded as such by society.
Note: this is not about taste. If you like the taste of the Pumpkin Spice Latte, that's fine. I won't judge you. I, personally, do not care for the taste of pumpkin-flavored anything. But you do you.
This is about temperature.
It is simply too hot to be drinking Pumpkin Spice Lattes or, for that matter, any hot coffee beverage! Why are you doing this? You know cold brew exists, right? Stop doing this to yourselves!
It's freakin' hot out! If you can't wear a flannel without becoming so sweaty you're embarrassed to hug someone (you can be embarrassed to hug someone for other reasons, that's fine), then you shouldn't be drinking a Pumpkin Spice Latte.
Here is Tuesday's forecast for Denver: HIGH OF 94 DEGREES. NINETY. FOUR. DEGREES. FAHRENHEIT. It's like we're in Arizona, or on the actual surface of the sun. Why would you drink a hot coffee beverage when it's so hot out that if you tried to pour coffee on your head the liquid would evaporate before it had a chance to burn you?
It's so hot. I am so tired. Stop drinking Pumpkin Spice Lattes until the temperature allows for wearing a hoodie.
I just can't let this go. Why drink an extremely hot coffee, which is almost certainly going to make you sweaty, when the forces of nature have already combined to make you sweaty? What if you have to walk somewhere? What if you have to wear pants outside? That's three to four sweat-inducing variables before you even account for incidentals like talking to someone cute or having your credit card declined.
If you need to get the Pumpkin Spice Latte because you need to take a picture of it for social media purposes to reinforce your #brand, go ahead and take the picture but buy an iced coffee or a frappuccino or SOMETHING COLD to drink while you rack up those sweet, sweet likes.
I'm sweating while typing this. It is 84 degrees in my apartment at 10 p.m. on Monday night because I am too cheap to spring for an air conditioner and also because we live on the planet Mercury now.
It's so hot the Great Sand Dunes are going to turn into glass. It's so hot we're going to have to start bartering ice cubes as currency. Buy a cold coffee drink, not a Pumpkin Spice Latte. I'm begging you.
