Good. We didn't want you here anyway ...

According to a study by real estate company Redfin, more people are looking to leave Denver than are moving here. This is not at all with the narrative we've heard recently about young people flocking to Denver because of its outdoor opportunities, laid-back culture, and booming start-up economy. 

Why would people be looking to leave Denver en masse? Why would people not be looking to move here? Has the Denver bubble burst? We came up with 10 hypotheses that would explain why more people are leaving Denver than entering.

1. The Dark Ones are taking them.

We don't know where the Dark Ones took them but they did. We can only hope the Dark Ones bring them back someday, and they are the same as when the Dark Ones took them, with no negative lasting effects. We're not optimistic, though.

2. They are participating in an exchange program with Iceland.

Denver has shipped many of its citizens to Reykjavik in exchange for some Icelandic folks to promote multiculturalism, but there was a screw-up with the Visas and the Icelandics have been delayed. We eagerly await their return.

3. Relax, they're all on vacation.

You can't deny they deserve it.

4. They are sad because of how bad the Rapids are and have fled to Atlanta, which has a much better soccer team.

Atlanta United has young, exciting players such as Miguel Almiron, Josef Martinez, Darlington Nagbe, and Hector Villalba. The Colorado Rapids have Kellyn Acosta, Tim Howard's decaying corpse, and that's about it. It's not a very fun situation.

5. They have decided Denver is simply too good for them and they are not worthy.

Denver always seems to make appearances on "best cities to live in," "most fun city in the nation," and "best cities to have a dog and take it to brunch"-type lists, and folks have begun to feel like Denver might just be too good for them. It's giving them low self-esteem and they need a change. They are leaving for demonstrably worse cities such as New York City.

6. They are scared of the horse statue outside Denver International Airport.

Part of the statue fell on its sculptor, killing him and leading to rumors the statue is haunted. Haunted or not, the statue is terrifying.

7. They are running errands.

Please take the chicken out of the freezer before they get back.

8. They think the mountains are too large and are scared of them.

They're just mountains, not Mount Doom from Lord of the Rings, okay? Calm down, Hobbits.

9. Denver is too gentrified.

Every new building looks the same, real estate and rent are too expensive, and every coffee shop and bar that sprouts up is exactly the same with the same clientele and the same decor. All the people and businesses that made Denver interesting in the first place are being priced out. They have to move to cheaper places in Colorado or to different states to make their ways. And there are cities that do the whole "gentrified" thing better than Denver anyway, so the Mile High City will eventually just become a cheap copy of Seattle.

10. Denver isn't gentrified enough.

If Denver wants to compete with the "big boys," it's going to have to cater even more to hipster-business-tech bros who got every single item they owned picked out for them by an algorithm. You know the ones. What I'm saying is it's time to put on the full-court press for the new Amazon campus. People are leaving Denver for Seattle because that's where Amazon is. If Denver had Amazon, the people would come back. Probably.

11. (Bonus!) They heard about the spider invasion.

What do YOU think? Share your thoughts with us in the comments below.