Source: Toru Hanai/Reuters
Sportsmen travel the world in search of the next great hunt. Many choose to go on safari to Africa. Others set their sights on hunting North American big game. But there's some new game on the market...
Thanks to intense exposure to high levels of radiation, there is one animal that now outclasses all others. The Japanese radioactive pig.
In 2011 a 9.0 magnitude earthquake struck Japan, resulting in a nuclear meltdown of the Fukushima Dai-ichi nuclear power plant, eventually causing four of the six reactors to release radiation into the atmosphere and ocean.
Japanese citizens evacuated but as they left, hundreds of wild boars descended from the surrounding hills and took up residency in the town. They got a full dose of the power plant's fallout.
For years, we have heard stories of these atomic swine wreaking havoc on Japanese townspeople. Many had argued that the truth behind the stories was simply lost in translation and sensationalized by Western media outlets.
Well, the Japanese government has officially hired "culling teams" to eradicate the radioactive pigs after they began roaming outside the Fukushima Exclusion Zone and attacking people.
What an amazing job to have on a resume: radioactive pig slayer. As the extermination teams are going in, we're getting to see first pictures of these monsters. Don't start rushing to begin your life as an irradiated hog hunter quite yet.
1. These pigs are terrifying.
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Source: Toru Hanai/Reuters[/caption]
2. They are completely unpredictable.
The Japanese government said that their irradiation doesn't make them any more dangerous.
Hogwash. (pun intended)
This is the same government that said the reactors at Fukushima were completely safe while they were literally melting down. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me into trusting radioactive pigs, shame on me.
I get that the Japanese government has a storied history of dealing with mutated villainous animals
. Normally, I'd defer to their expertise on the matter. But radioactive porkers are a whole other level of weird.
We all know how Peter Parker became Spiderman. He was bitten by a radioactive spider and all of a sudden got spider powers. Do you really want to be the test subject to see what super powers radioactive pigs convey to their victims? Do you like the way Pigman
sounds? What do you think your "pig powers" would be?
We're in uncharted territory here. I'm always down to go hunting, especially when it comes to culling an invasive species like wild boar. But usually the game doesn't register on a Geiger Counter...
3. The Japanese are completely underestimating the power of radioactive pigs.
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Source: Toru Hanai/Reuters[/caption]
Take a look at this picture.
Japan is facing an epidemic of Plutonium piglets and the best they are giving their "culling team" to dispatch the threat is... an air rifle.
Yep. Japan is sending middle-aged men up against the pigs of the apocalypse with nothing but a glorified Red Ryder BB Gun. Failing to contain these irradiated razorbacks could bring an end to civilization and this guy's charging into battle with a pellet gun.
Nope nope nope nope nope. Bare minimum is a 30-06. Not because it would necessary to take these babies down, but that way you make sure they don't rise back up. The only thing worse than a radioactive pig is an undead
4. Only a fool hunts radioactive pigs in blaze orange.
The orange vest? Really? First of all, Blaze Orange is to protect hunters... from other hunters. This guy is in the Fukushima Exclusion Zone
. If he's dealing with other humans, we have much bigger problems.
Yes, hogs have bad eyesight. They can't see color, but they can see sharp differences
in color. Aside from that, there is no telling what kind of eyesight these super piggies could have.
We're not talking about your run of the mill pigs here. These are super pigs. I don't care what the hunter safety manual says, I'm creeping up in there in a ghillie suit
. Bare minimum.
I have nothing but respect for these brave hunters. Up against an unknown super enemy with deliberately sub-par equipment, these are the heroes we have, not the heroes we deserve.
The first pictures coming out of the Exclusion Zone show the brave members of the culling team have successfully harvested many of their targets. These pictures will help us humans win the propaganda war.
But don't be lulled into a false sense of security. If I know anything about radioactive pigs - which I don't - they will regroup and strike again.
At the moment, the Japanese government is not enlisting the help of American mercenaries, but if this goes south like any of Japan's other attempts to fight off super monsters
, you can be sure that they'll begin recruiting worldwide.