“Take heed and rejoice,” declares King Evans, Wheat Ridge resident and rightful heir to the British throne.
King Allan V. Evans I took out an advertisement on Wednesday in the British newspaper, “The Times," announcing his regal lineage and informing his new subjects that he “shall claim his royal historic estate” in 30-days time. This estate include 17 different properties scattered across Great Britain.
The advertisement lists King Evans as a “...direct descendant of an unbroken primogeniture line regally documented since the 3rd century in Great Britain and registered in the Royal College of Arms” as well as a “...direct descendant of Cunedda Wledig, the founder of the Kingdom of Wales, then known as the Kingdom of Gondor.”
Just hours into his reign, King Evans has already proven to be a benevolent ruler. He announced that while he is the rightful King, his Grace will wait for Queen Elizabeth to die before he seizes power. Truly the King's compassion is boundless.
“Lady Britania who has contributed so much to the culture and history of the world shall be renewed and made great once again," he announced, "for the legend was not a myth but was indeed true, and more than a mere Tolkien story, that the men of the West are now returning and now is the time of the return of the King.”
You may be surprised to learn that this is not King Evans’ first attempt to seize land in the name of his ancestors.
In 2012, King Evans notified residents of Twigg County, Georgia that he was the rightful owner of 400 acres of property. The King represented himself in court and argued that a 1901 fire in the County Courthouse burned all evidence of his family’s land ownership.
The judge ruled against him, shocking nobody. Apparently, people aren’t allowed to uproot 35 families and seize control of multiple businesses without evidence. Go figure.
Nevertheless, King Evans persisted. His Majesty took his case all the way to the Georgia Supreme Court. On June 3, 2013, the Court issued its ruling.
The judgement of the court below is affirmed without opinion pursuant to Supreme Court Rule 59.
Affirmed without opinion. All the Justices concur.”
Some may call this a failure. They are mistaken.
Sure, his Royal Highness laid claim to a vast territory and was unable to convince a single member of the court to rule in his favor. But you’re looking at this all wrong. The King showed his ability to take a legal case, with no evidence whatsoever, all the way to the highest court in Georgia. He did this all while representing himself. King Allan V. Evans I just may be the legal mind that Great Britain desperately needs.
The notification in Wednesday’s paper took many British readers by surprise. Many wonder how a man from Colorado could have more of a claim to the British throne than any of the 61 million people living in Britain. These are minor details.
Others were quick to announce their allegiance to King Evans I on social media.
One Twitter user asked the million dollar question that was on everyone’s mind…
His Royal Highness Allan Evans I, by the Grace of God, of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland and of his other Realms and Territories King, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith (this is his Majesty’s official title), has decided to decline all press inquiries until this legal matter involving the British crown is settled, which is completely understandable.
Until the Ruler of the British Dominions breaks his self-imposed gag order, we are left wondering how exactly he plans on ascending to the throne. I am not an expert in British immigration law, but “seizing the crown” is not likely an acceptable answer to the "reason for visit" question on customs forms.
When the King issues his next decree, you can rest assured that OurCommunityNow will be there to publish it.
God save the King.