Don't worry, you're not missing out!
When it comes to holiday festivities outside the home, Christmas has most definitely been canceled by the Coronavirus. This couldn't be more evident in D.C. The nation's capital perhaps rivals NYC in feats of yuletide cheer, from the lighting of the National Christmas Tree to performances of The Nutcracker at The Kennedy Center.
Like many of us, you're understandably bummed by these cancelations. We get it! There are only so many sugar cookies or gingerbread houses we can make before going full-on Grinch and doing away with the mess. Well, we're here to confirm that a lot of the hype around these attractions is nothing but that—hype. According to Yelp, it turns out a lot of these landmarks aren't what they're cracked up to be, and these disgruntled reviewers are here to speak the truth.
While many of these were written in the pre-Coronavirus era (remember those days?), they remain hilariously relevant in our current social-distancing climate. They might even make you feel better as we continue to hunker inside waiting for the pandemic to pass.
So what's the verdict? The National Christmas Tree isn't worth it, the snacks at Zoo Lights are going downhill, and for the love of all that is holy, don't go to the National Cathedral.
Courtesy of National Zoo (Facebook)
Let's start off with Zoo Lights, whose problems seem to lie in the concessions department:
"The quality of cookies has decreased considerably the last two years."
But wait, it gets worse:
"the $3 8oz cup of hot chocolate tasted like it had just enough cocoa mix in it to not be called water."
Courtesy of thenationaltree.org
Then there's the National Christmas Tree, which appears to live up to the Mona Lisa standard of cruel disappointments:
"It's a glitzy small non tree with a bunch of smaller trees haphazardly strewn about in a muddy field with a metal gangplank going around it. The train was kinda cool."
To be honest, when is a train not cool?
The Mormon Temple in Kensington is a welcome sight to behold on the Beltway. For some:
"It pops out of nowhere and scares the hell out of you."
Courtesy of Washington National Cathedral (Facebook)
The Washington National Cathedral is an architectural marvel known for its uplifting Christmas services. It's also huge and easy to get lost in. Spiritually and literally. But not everybody's impressed:
"I would rather have been chatted up by a burning bush and swallowed by a whale than spend another minute in the National Cathedral."
One person at Sixth & I Synagogue has had it up to here with the rules:
"Just tonight they told me I couldn't attend with my knitting even though I have attended many many events there with my knitting."
First, it's knitting, then it's sitting. What next? The slippery slope is real!
And if you thought people's ire couldn't touch The Kennedy Center:
"Stop funding crony, corrupt activities like arts and crafts."
So if you're feeling tidal waves of regret at the absence of a visit to Zoo Lights or the National Cathedral, don't. Because these guys aren't, and neither should you. Hopefully, these Bah-Humbuggers inspire you to embrace your inner Scrooge this year—and while we're at it, giving you a good laugh amidst the dumpster fire that is 2020. Happy holidays!
Have you visited these holiday landmarks before? Did they meet your expectations? Tell us in the comments!