Just don't, okay? We beg of you.

*Originally published in 2016:

While moving to Colorado may be the "it" thing to do, you should know what you're getting yourself into before you pack up and come here. So, to help persuade you to stay away, here are some reasons why you shouldn't move to Colorado.

It’s Basically Siberia

Don’t be fooled by all the pictures of sunshine and colors. Social media always makes things look "better" than they actually are. Don’t move to Colorado.

Our Parks Are Trash

Or do I mean—are being trashed…? Hmm ... Don’t move to Colorado.

We’ve Got Homeless People

Mostly ones about 18-25 years old wearing new clothes; just looking for extra cash because they came here for weed and ran out of money and now they refuse to get real jobs to support themselves—taking away from assisting those who are actually in need of help *breathe*. But still. Lots of homeless. Don’t move to Colorado.

Our Amphitheater Smells Funny

Everyone’s all about the beauty and glory of Red Rocks but in reality? It’s pretty stinky. Don’t move to Colorado.

The Mountains Are Terrifying

It’s all fun and games until you get a pebble in your shoe. Everyone may think hiking is the next "thing" but honestly, hiking is terrifying—low oxygen, high mountains, basic survival skills?! Scary stuff. Don’t move to Colorado.

Green Chili Is Gross

All green and soupy—it’s super weird, too spicy, and Coloradans put it on everything. Don’t move to Colorado.

Did We Mention It’s Super Cold and Awful?

So much snow. Just a heads up, it’s not even winter yet and I scraped my windows this morning … let that sink in. Don’t move to Colorado.

Don't get me wrong, Colorado definitely has its positive attributes. Moving here, on the other hand, is a lot to handle. Maybe just stick to a visit, enjoy our legal pot, pick up your trash when you visit RMNP, and head back to your home state. You'll be better off—I promise.