In case you thought you'd seen everything ...
Any headline containing the word "robbery" is usually not funny.
Scary? Yes. Unfortunate, disruptive, infuriating -- all good adjectives. Hilarious? Not so much. But when someone decides to dress up in a full-on unicorn suit to hold up a convenience store? Well, it's a little hard to keep a straight face.*
Jacob William Rogge thought a unicorn disguise was a good way to rob High's Dairy Store in Baltimore County on Saturday morning. And, in all honesty, the giant plush unicorn head certainly did hide his face from the security camera.
Armed with a fairy wand and magical rainbow dust (aka a crowbar), Rogge entered the convenience store and smashed open the cash register. Can you imagine a giant unicorn beating open a cash register? I mean, how surreal would it be for a gigantic plush unicorn to come at you with a crowbar, stealing your money and your cigarettes?
It plays out kind of like when Charlie the Unicorn gets his kidney stolen after finding Candy Mountain. You've seen that video, too, right? The viral one from 2005? Well, if it hasn't plagued you yet, feel free to watch it here.
But I digress.
After fleeing the scene, Rogge discarded his costume in some bushes (because, apparently, he draws the line at riding in a getaway car dressed as a unicorn ... Or maybe the driver -- Joseph Philip Svezzese -- grew up hating My Little Pony and wouldn't let anything that resembled Twilight Sparkle ride shotgun).
In their rush to get away, these guys drove into oncoming traffic, plowed through some mailboxes, and a BGE pole. But their journey continued when the wheels slipped on some nearby shrubbery, propelling them back across the road and into a tree. These guys definitely had stars and rainbows in their eyes after that. In fact, they racked up some pretty serious injuries, landing them in the hospital before jail. Rogge is still in the hospital with severe injuries (because his magical unicorn powers did not protect him), and he's being held without bail. Svezzese, on the other hand, is still awaiting his bail review hearing. (So maybe now he wants to wish upon a star ...)
The police found the unicorn costume, which actually looks pretty deflated and sad. They might want to add "assault on a mythical creature" to Rogge's list of charges.
But I guess the police have bigger problems to tackle with these guys first. The unicorn will probably survive. It is a unicorn, after all.
*Please note that we are laughing at the craziness of the situation, not the workers at High's Dairy Store or any other victims in this situation! We are glad that no employees or bystanders were injured during the robbery.
