Introducing the Kohler Numi Smart Toilet.
While I can't personally speak to having large amounts of disposable income, those who do often feel the need to express their financial standing in seemingly unimaginative ways. I must admit, I occasionally despise some of my well-to-do friends when they do this – not for having money, but because they'll do things like drone on about their golf game, tell me how much they like to ''throw down'' at Elway's, or get a new Audi Q5 (the most boring, overly-complicated, and sterile way to spend fifty-grand).
Instead, they could've opted for the soul-soothing Alfa Romeo Stelvio, stuffed their face with Elk steak at the Fort, and when the time was right, relieve themselves on a toilet that has more brainpower than an autonomous vehicle filled with theoretical physicists. Now, that's a way more interesting than the birdie you had on 17.
The $6,400 Kohler Numi high-tech toilet, then, is the type of device that not only tells guests that you're unique, smart, and well-to-do – it's functional. Upon approaching the device, the lid automatically lifts. If you place your foot just to the right of the toilet, the seat goes with it.
Can a toilet really save a marriage? Crazier things have happened. For those cold mornings, you have a heated seat and if you forget your slippers, a fan will blow hot air on your feet.
And did we mention it has a badass, or rather a good-ass, bidet function? We wrote a while back about the surprising benefits of the tool, and the Numi sports quite the cannon. Not only can you set the temperature of the water, but you can tailor your experience by selecting from a variety of spray patterns labeled 'pulsate,' 'oscillate', and 'wave.' Not only that, but you'll be able to adjust the position of the stream and set your desired pressure. When you're done, an integrated air dryer will leave you feeling dry and clean. But that's just half of it.
The most impressive feature, if it works, is the deodorizer feature. The toilet pulls air through a charcoal filter to reduce olfactory evidence of the act, a true testament to the ingenuity and nature of humankind. After all, how we do our 'business' is one of just a handful of ways we separate ourselves from animals. Thus, one might even be able to argue that using this toilet could make you more human, and that it's somehow a work of art because of that. How is that not taste?
I guess you'll just have to have your newfound, wealthy, art-mongering friends over for some green chili to find out.
What are your thoughts? Would you invest that much in your bathroom experience? Why or why not?