Pull down the shades and don't stand up too quickly, the Dollarita is here.
I cannot speak for my fellow millennials who like to complain about how old they are even though they’re only 25, BUT I have found that my hangovers have been getting worse lately. Did you know you can get a hangover that lasts for more than a day? Yeah, that was a fun surprise!
Anyway, one of the things I’ve found that makes my hangovers really bad these days (besides, you know, drinking) is sugar. Sugary mixed drinks are delicious, yes, but I’ve had to curb my consumption lately, drinking mixed drinks only in emergency situations -- an emergency situation, like, what if I really want a Dark & Stormy? A headache and upset stomach, plus loss of productivity and feeling of regret the next day, means it just isn’t worth it to drink cocktails much anymore.
That’s why I was alarmed at the recent news that Applebee’s Grill & Bar, an establishment that really should know better, will sell you a strawberry margarita for ONE DOLLAR. Apparently, this drink is called the Dollarita. (McDonald’s is so mad they didn’t think of this first.)
Applebee’s even made a video announcing the dollar drink, which you can see below:
This drink must taste like waking up with a raging headache and not remembering how you got it. It probably tastes like bad decisions and shame. It almost certainly does not taste like strawberries.
Applebee’s, of course, is not going to use top-shelf ingredients in the Dollarita. The drinks will probably be significantly watered down but, y’all, it costs a dollar and it is going to lead to raging hangovers and many people doing many dumb things. Remember the Applebee’s scene in Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby? Now imagine they had been drinking Dollaritas at the time. Pure madness.
Here are some ways you can cure your inevitable Dollarita hangover:
- Sleep until two in the afternoon
- Stay in bed all day with the lights off
- Find a space where there is an absence of light and sound, such as a spooky cave or a dungeon
- Hit yourself in the foot with a shovel so you forget all about your hangover.
Keep in mind that these are just helpful suggestions. I'm not a doctor.
If you do end up doing something extremely dumb because you drank too many Dollaritas, please contact Our Community Now, or drop a comment below, so I can write about it and promptly laugh at you. Cheers!
This article was originally written for Our Community Now at Colorado by Sam Klomhaus.