There's a reason these throwback wedding gowns have yet to come back in style.

I don't know why, but it seems like the '70s, '80s, and '90s were a terrible time for wedding dresses. As someone who has attended many a wedding, the first being in 1994, it's quite clear that today's wedding dress designers have no intention of going back to an era where looking like a dust ruffle at the altar was considered the norm. So without further ado, I present to you a collection of wedding dresses that deserve to be left at the altar:

1970's

1970s wedding dress

Kermit the Frog called, he wants his lily pad back. 

1970s bride

Last time I saw a dress like this, it was while watching HBO's 'Big Love.' LADY, BLINK TWICE IF YOU NEED HELP. Also, I think your sister wife bridesmaid may be plotting your death for choosing that dress pattern. 

1980's

1980s bride

I love how understated and austere the '80s were. So classy. So conservative. No dress sleeves doubling as shower loofahs and makeup was kept to a minimum. Golly, those were the days!

WHEN I SAID I WANTED BIG SLEEVES I MEANT I NEED TO BE ABLE TO SMUGGLE A TODDLER IN THEM, CAROL!

1990's

1990s bride

I call this style of wedding dress "the unmade bed."

1990s bride

Excessive beadwork? Check. Obnoxious butt-bow? Check. Unnecessary headpiece that can be used as a toilet brush? Check and check.

Alright, ladies, that's about all I can stomach for now. Join me later when I destroy the bridesmaids dress trends of yesteryear! 

Need some help choosing the perfect wedding gown? Give this article a look.

Laura Cromwell
Just a word-lovin' southern gal who wandered into the great state of Colorado (don't worry, she knows how to drive in the snow). Loves all things outdoors, satire, dessert, and any excuse to dress up. Does crossword puzzles in ink because she walks on the wild side.
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