There's a reason these throwback wedding gowns have yet to come back in style.
I don't know why, but it seems like the '70s, '80s, and '90s were a terrible time for wedding dresses. As someone who has attended many a wedding, the first being in 1994, it's quite clear that today's wedding dress designers have no intention of going back to an era where looking like a dust ruffle at the altar was considered the norm. So without further ado, I present to you a collection of wedding dresses that deserve to be left at the altar:
Kermit the Frog called, he wants his lily pad back.
Last time I saw a dress like this, it was while watching HBO's 'Big Love.' LADY, BLINK TWICE IF YOU NEED HELP. Also, I think your
sister wife bridesmaid may be plotting your death for choosing that dress pattern.
I love how understated and austere the '80s were. So classy. So conservative. No dress sleeves doubling as shower loofahs and makeup was kept to a minimum. Golly, those were the days!
WHEN I SAID I WANTED BIG SLEEVES I MEANT I NEED TO BE ABLE TO SMUGGLE A TODDLER IN THEM, CAROL!
I call this style of wedding dress "the unmade bed."
Excessive beadwork? Check. Obnoxious butt-bow? Check. Unnecessary headpiece that can be used as a toilet brush? Check and check.
Alright, ladies, that's about all I can stomach for now. Join me later when I destroy the bridesmaids dress trends of yesteryear!