Why that old guy doesn't want you on his lawn ...

Well, it's internet official: Maryland is the worst place to retire.

So if you have a not-so-friendly resident elderly person in your neighborhood, you can finally stop blaming yourself. It's not because you parked too close to their driveway; it's not because your cat wandered onto their lawn; it's not because you're young and wild and free. It's because they made a terrible mistake. They retired in Maryland.

Hang on! What's wrong with Maryland? I live here, you live here, it can't be that bad, right? WRONG! Wrong, wrong, wrong!

Here's why Moneywise says it's no good for the old-timers: traffic, weather, and cost.

The older folks ain't got time to wait in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the Beltway. They shouldn't have to sit on top of the Bay Bridge for hours in order to get to the beach. They paid their dues! They should be able to walk out their front door and be where they need to be! When I'm old and gray, you definitely won't find me in Florida (flooding), but I sure as heck don't want to be found stuck in traffic.

And the weather! Good golly is it unpredictable. You can be basking in the sun by the pool one day and hunkered in your tornado shelter the next. But wait! You don't have a tornado shelter because Maryland isn't supposed to get tornadoes. Except that we do. Sometimes. Randomly. When we're least expecting it. Maryland winters? At least if you retire somewhere like Alaska, you'll at least know you'll definitely need that snow blower. Word to the wise: Alaska is also on Moneywise's worst places to retire list. It's tied for 15th place, though, so it's still about 14 steps ahead of the great MD.

Once you're retired, you don't really want to worry about money either. But cost of living and healthcare costs in Maryland are high. I've pretty much resigned myself to the struggle for the rest of my life (well, at least until I retire). You can spend an arm and a leg on living in the middle of nowhere in Maryland or you can spend an arm, a leg, and a finger on living among civilization in Maryland. And, yes, your hospital bill for those amputations really is that high.

So now I totally get why the grandma down the street doesn't wear purple hats and carry candy around in her purse. It's just too much work! And isn't work what you're supposed to be avoiding when you're retired?

If you're getting ready to retire, you might want to look elsewhere. You won't catch me with gray hair still living in the middle of the capital of Maryland in a somewhat rundown townhouse. Don't get me wrong: the hustle and bustle is fine for now. I still have the energy to find it all kind of humorous. But in, say, 50 years, I think my sense of humor will be ready to retire, too.

You know what? Now that I'm thinking about it, maybe I should just move now. Heck, why wait until you're retired to get away from it all?!

Do you think Maryland is the worst place to retire? Let us know in the comments.